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· 327 ratings · 27 reviews

Start your review of Goodbye to Shy: 85 Shybusters That Work!

First half of the book has some really good advices (which I will use). Second half concentrates more on love relationships, how to meet someone and how to raise your future kids not being shy. Also, I can't believe that Croatian edition came out this year. This book is old (2006) , I mean, in the field of self-help or so called psychology, 8 years is a lot and I doubt that there aren't better books to translate.

p.s. There are a lot of empty pages, design that irritates.

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Ova knjiga je

p.s. There are a lot of empty pages, design that irritates.

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Ova knjiga je kod nas prevedena kao "Kako razviti samopouzdanje". Prvi dio ima nekih zaista dobrih savjeta, koje ću koristiti ubuduće. Drugi dio knjige se više posvećuje na ljubavne veze, kako upoznati nekoga ako ste sramežljivi i kako prepoznati i odgojiti sramežljivo dijete.
Također što moram spomenuti, ne mogu vjerovati da je kod nas ta knjiga izdana tek sada. Po meni, 8 godina je dugo vremena za ovakvo nekakvo područje, a osim toga sumnjam da nema boljih knjiga iz područja samopomoći i te tzv. popularne psihologije da se prevedu na hrvatski.

p.s. I postoji puno praznih stranica, to je dizajn koji me iritira.

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Another great one from my girl Leil! I think I listen to her audiobooks now more for the hilarious narration than for the content. I have social anxiety and although I'm not terribly shy, many tips in this books are very helpful. I love Leil as always. She has the best stories to illustrate her own battle with shyness. Why be a Shy when you can be a Sure!? Read this if you struggle with shyness! Another great one from my girl Leil! I think I listen to her audiobooks now more for the hilarious narration than for the content. I have social anxiety and although I'm not terribly shy, many tips in this books are very helpful. I love Leil as always. She has the best stories to illustrate her own battle with shyness. Why be a Shy when you can be a Sure!? Read this if you struggle with shyness! ...more

Sep 09, 2013 Nathan rated it it was ok

There is a lot of trite advice, but the book also covers some basic cognitive behavioral ideas.
It would be very useful for someone who is just starting to work on their shyness.
For anxiety sufferers, I would recommend a CBT workbook in addition to it. I would recommend "Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook" or "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Workbook for Dummies." There is a lot of trite advice, but the book also covers some basic cognitive behavioral ideas.
It would be very useful for someone who is just starting to work on their shyness.
For anxiety sufferers, I would recommend a CBT workbook in addition to it. I would recommend "Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook" or "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Workbook for Dummies." ...more

some good stuff, some ridiculous stupid stuff.

the good:
-you don't feel inept because you aren't a professional football player, so why feel inadequate that you don't plat the witty banter game?
-4 main things shys do: 1) imagine disapproval or rejection when it isn't there. 2) think they performed in past events far more negatively than they did. 3) distort or forget the good experiences. 4) during a tense situation, 'watch' themselves from outside like a disapproving audience. therefore: people like you a lot more than you think they do. you performed a lot better in past situations than you think you did. your rejection is greatly imagined.
-the more you play the avoidance game, the harder it is to quit. anxiety subsides following an avoidant response, thus reinforcing and escalating the avoidant response.
-snap out of the 'beat me again master' body language. throw your shoulders back, head up.
-as who what when where why and how questions to keep conversations rolling. don't give one word answers to questions. ask people what they think about the subject. listen, smile, nod. passion slays shyness, talk about a topic you are passionate about.
-list worst case scenarios and write out what to do in each case
-reject imagined rejection!
-silently say to yourself 'i like you' while looking someone in the eye/looking at them. increase to 'i really like you' add more reallys to extend eye contact.
-children who are overprotected by their parents run a much higher risk of being shy according to a study called "the development of anxiety: the role of control in the early environment". this study found that "parents who exert maximal control over a child's activities and decisions can negatively influence the child's sense of being able to control his or her own environment" -psychology bulletin 124(1998) by b.f. chorpita and d.h. barlow.
-in a study done at bars, dr timothy perper discovered if a woman is interested in a man who looks at her, she will first modestly look away, and then look up again within forty-five seconds. so for shy people, if men's eyes are elsewhere when that woman looks up, she assumes rejection while he misses her signal of interest. in a study called 'nonverbal courtship patterns in women: context and consequences' men don't usually approach a woman unless she has given him a subtle nonverbal invitation. the most common signal? a simple smile.

--the bad:
-the book implies that if you do any of its steps just once, it will all be easier after that like "talk to a stranger in a bar and then you'll never hide in a corner again."
-suggests repeatedly dating people you aren't interested in so that there's no pressure, and repeatedly going to interviews at jobs you aren't interested in.
-says to make friends with an extrovert. yeah, if i could make friends just like that then i wouldn't be reading this book.
-says to 'sound dazzled over the dullest things'
-says conversations at parties are all about the same old stuff, movies, marriage, kids, pets, vacations, sports, celebrities, and national disasters. so if you study up on those things before hand you'll magically be able to hold a normal conversation. (and fails to suggest what to do when a shy person encounters that paralyzing anxiety where the mind goes blank despite earlier preparations)
-says to do the 'demented duck' exercise where you "run around the house acting like a demented duck on speed in the mornings. get loony, get loud, get unglued...from shyness. explode you energy sky high in the morning, let it settle gradually. this works a lot better than trying to haul it out of a hole" yeah, because i can magically pull energy out of my ass first thing in the mornings when i normally have to drag it up from a hole. "run around the room in your underwear and flap your arms like a demented duck. shout like a football fan. jump up and down like a rabbit on speed. laugh like a lunatic. whirl around like a tornado. fall back on the bed, kick your legs high in the air, and should at the top of your lungs. since your body, face, and voice are warmed up and full of energy, it now feels natural to wave your arm, smile, and give a hearty hello. **um, not it doesn't. wasting my energy like that would leave me with that much less to face the day with. i'd probably end up going back to sleep after such behavior. and acting like an ass doesn't inspire confidence in me and would probably freak out the dogs.

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Jun 25, 2019 Ebecilio rated it it was ok

This is a lie: I mean that people have personalities; some are shy, some not; instead of this, we could choose to believe that everyone is exactly the same (including me, the subhect). The reak question is where does it lead to? Any kind of thinking. What world does it support? From this: "This isn't a book on how to look cool or have finesse on social occasions. That would a lie, like hiding your anxiety. It's about something essentially deeper." This is a lie: I mean that people have personalities; some are shy, some not; instead of this, we could choose to believe that everyone is exactly the same (including me, the subhect). The reak question is where does it lead to? Any kind of thinking. What world does it support? From this: "This isn't a book on how to look cool or have finesse on social occasions. That would a lie, like hiding your anxiety. It's about something essentially deeper." ...more

Jul 10, 2017 Jonathan rated it it was amazing

At a certain point in my life, I became incredibly shy around new people. This book was great, because I could skip around to the parts that were useful to me. It really did change me from a cripplingly shy person in new situations into someone who knows that there's nothing to fear when meeting new people. From time to time I've had people mention that I wouldn't know what it's like to be shy, seeing as how outgoing I am. But I have to laugh, because I know how badly I needed this book and how At a certain point in my life, I became incredibly shy around new people. This book was great, because I could skip around to the parts that were useful to me. It really did change me from a cripplingly shy person in new situations into someone who knows that there's nothing to fear when meeting new people. From time to time I've had people mention that I wouldn't know what it's like to be shy, seeing as how outgoing I am. But I have to laugh, because I know how badly I needed this book and how different my life might have been without it. ...more

Apr 01, 2020 Debbie rated it really liked it

Recommends it for: therapists looking for useful suggestions for shy students

Don't tell/allude with a laugh/make a list of topics/bring up topics you're knowledgeable about. focus on remembering the good things and not the painful things, record immediately so you dont add details, don't chose toxic friends,chose in need of friend, Don't tell/allude with a laugh/make a list of topics/bring up topics you're knowledgeable about. focus on remembering the good things and not the painful things, record immediately so you dont add details, don't chose toxic friends,chose in need of friend, ...more

Sep 06, 2021 Jk rated it it was amazing

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. i want to boost my confidence to with anyone

Decently practical, lots of good hints. Based on a progressive exposure method, offers listeners a program of steps, I will recommend it around to sad shy people.

I liked:
- the mental diet bit, on halting chains of negative thoughts through listening to stuff
- the bit about shyness and it's origins, with a mention of situational shyness and social avoidance types
- the bit about emotional needyness and enhanced feelings from shy people

Decently practical, lots of good hints. Based on a progressive exposure method, offers listeners a program of steps, I will recommend it around to sad shy people.

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buku tentang 92 trik menuju kesuksesan. Leil lowndes mengajak pembacanya utk berpikir secara lebih praktis. Tips n tricks yang diberikan lebih applicable kalau dibandingkan dengan buku dg author dale carnegie yang terkenal itu (how to win friends and influenced people)i think "how-to"nya lebih ngena! (siapa tahu how-to nya bisa di franchise-kan?) buku tentang 92 trik menuju kesuksesan. Leil lowndes mengajak pembacanya utk berpikir secara lebih praktis. Tips n tricks yang diberikan lebih applicable kalau dibandingkan dengan buku dg author dale carnegie yang terkenal itu (how to win friends and influenced people)i think "how-to"nya lebih ngena! (siapa tahu how-to nya bisa di franchise-kan?) ...more

Nov 05, 2011 Kirsten rated it it was ok

maybe good for fourth graders, etc.... And unlike the book, I personally do think telling people I'm shy helps ! I embrace my shyness, when you tell peole you're shy they usually just get you more, and see you as less intimidating, also I think it just comes off kind of cute. Telling people I'm shy makes me feel more comfortable with my shyness. maybe good for fourth graders, etc.... And unlike the book, I personally do think telling people I'm shy helps ! I embrace my shyness, when you tell peole you're shy they usually just get you more, and see you as less intimidating, also I think it just comes off kind of cute. Telling people I'm shy makes me feel more comfortable with my shyness. ...more

Sep 24, 2014 Ashley rated it did not like it

I am really not sure if this will actually help, or if shyness is actually my problem. I may just not like to talk to people. Most of the suggestions in this book seemed ridiculous and I really am sorry I picked up this book.

Apr 03, 2015 Selkie rated it really liked it

For the most part, I think most self-help books are useless, but this one did have some helpful hints. Even though they may seem a bit off-the-wall, they do work.
A great book for people training for high-profile positions

Jan 08, 2016 Adriano rated it liked it

This is a short book with lots of actionable steps that really amount to putting yourself out there. It really does assume that you have crippling shyness. I'm an introvert at heart, but I feel a lot of these examples would have prevented me from even going outside. This is a short book with lots of actionable steps that really amount to putting yourself out there. It really does assume that you have crippling shyness. I'm an introvert at heart, but I feel a lot of these examples would have prevented me from even going outside. ...more

Jul 27, 2011 Chelsea rated it it was ok

I'm not the target audience since I'm not really shy, but there were a few helpful tips. I'm not the target audience since I'm not really shy, but there were a few helpful tips. ...more

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Finally i've finished this book lol Finally i've finished this book lol ...more

Apr 03, 2011 Karla rated it liked it

Tips for those who are socially awkward, in other words everyone. Some are goofy, some are helpful. To each their own I guess.

Oct 18, 2012 Sunil Jawahir rated it it was amazing

I don't think this book is for everyone but it's the only one on the topic that helped me. Re-read or listen to this every year or so for about a decade now. I don't think this book is for everyone but it's the only one on the topic that helped me. Re-read or listen to this every year or so for about a decade now. ...more

Nov 18, 2013 Idalia rated it it was amazing

Very informative and helpful if you follow the author's tips. Very informative and helpful if you follow the author's tips. ...more

Jul 11, 2016 Vanessa rated it liked it

I can see how this book would be helpful to the extremely shy--it uses basic psychological principles. I'd be interested in reading her other books on conversing with anyone. I can see how this book would be helpful to the extremely shy--it uses basic psychological principles. I'd be interested in reading her other books on conversing with anyone. ...more

Feb 19, 2013 Noran rated it really liked it

Really motivating, I now think if I am persistent enough I can get over my shyness even a little, I even started doing things in a different way, hope I will continue.